On today's episode, I'm joined by the incredible life coach, Dr. Manuela Powell. She focuses on women over 40 and illuminates the challenges these women face, oftentimes shadowed by societal norms and patriarchal structures.
We get candid about motherhood expectations, societal norms, and personal identity. I share my own story of feeling subservient to my children and others, despite my independence and success and how I uncovered my true self, shedding the weight of these expectations. Dr. Manuela Powell shares how she successfully maintains a long-distance relationship and offers insights into establishing boundaries, communication, and defining relationship terms.
We discuss the beauty of long-distance relationships and the sense of independence they foster. We also touch upon the idea of ethical non-monogamy, challenging societal pressures and norms, the importance of authenticity and personal growth within relationships. It's a packed episode that will speak volumes to you.
Featured on the Show: Dr. Manuela Powell
Dr. Manuela Powell is a life coach for 40+ women who are ready to start living the sparkliest, loudest, most outrageously real years of their lives. After finally getting the memo that she was queer at the tender age of 47, she realized most women could use some help to come out of whichever bullshit closet they've been stuck in forever, so she took upon herself to be their soul fluffer.
For almost 20 years, Manuela was a breast cancer surgeon, but after having her second child she decided she wanted to free herself from endless work hours, toxic work environments, and unflattering scrubs. She put away her scalpel to, instead, dissect women’s minds and help them excise the “shoulds”, "musts", and “not-good-enoughs” from their brains forever, so they can stop people-pleasing and learn to fully trust themselves, to the horror of the patriarchy police.
She's a native of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and after living in NYC, Washington, DC, and Hawai'i, she currently calls Austin, Texas her home, as a single mama to her 2 sons. She dances every day, curses like a sailor who stubbed his toe, and doesn't give a single shit to people who think she should start behaving her age.
Discover Your "Core Values Dating Blueprint" And How You Can Use It On:
Click Here to Sign Up
The Core Values Dating Blueprint Helps you:
DISCOVER YOUR CORE VALUES
❤️ Take the core values test and discover your core values
❤️ Explore the parts of your mission, life story, beliefs and lifestyle that are most important to your relationship
CREATE YOUR CORE VALUES BLUEPRINT
❤️ Get the exact framework for crafting your core values dating blueprint that shows you what to say and how to date to meet the partner who’s right for you
PUT YOUR BEST SELF OUT THERE AT EVERY STAGE OF DATING
❤️ Learn exactly how to apply your core values to every part of dating - Add it to your dating profile so that it is as unique and compelling as you are
Get Your Core Values Dating Blueprint Now
On today's episode, I'm joined by the incredible life coach, Dr. Manuela Powell. She focuses on women over 40 and illuminates the challenges these women face, oftentimes shadowed by societal norms and patriarchal structures.
We get candid about motherhood expectations, societal norms, and personal identity. I share my own story of feeling subservient to my children and others, despite my independence and success and how I uncovered my true self, shedding the weight of these expectations. Dr. Manuela Powell shares how she successfully maintains a long-distance relationship and offers insights into establishing boundaries, communication, and defining relationship terms.
We discuss the beauty of long-distance relationships and the sense of independence they foster. We also touch upon the idea of ethical non-monogamy, challenging societal pressures and norms, the importance of authenticity and personal growth within relationships. It's a packed episode that will speak volumes to you.
Featured on the Show: Dr. Manuela Powell
Dr. Manuela Powell is a life coach for 40+ women who are ready to start living the sparkliest, loudest, most outrageously real years of their lives. After finally getting the memo that she was queer at the tender age of 47, she realized most women could use some help to come out of whichever bullshit closet they've been stuck in forever, so she took upon herself to be their soul fluffer.
For almost 20 years, Manuela was a breast cancer surgeon, but after having her second child she decided she wanted to free herself from endless work hours, toxic work environments, and unflattering scrubs. She put away her scalpel to, instead, dissect women’s minds and help them excise the “shoulds”, "musts", and “not-good-enoughs” from their brains forever, so they can stop people-pleasing and learn to fully trust themselves, to the horror of the patriarchy police.
She's a native of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and after living in NYC, Washington, DC, and Hawai'i, she currently calls Austin, Texas her home, as a single mama to her 2 sons. She dances every day, curses like a sailor who stubbed his toe, and doesn't give a single shit to people who think she should start behaving her age.
Discover Your "Core Values Dating Blueprint" And How You Can Use It On:
Click Here to Sign Up
The Core Values Dating Blueprint Helps you:
DISCOVER YOUR CORE VALUES
❤️ Take the core values test and discover your core values
❤️ Explore the parts of your mission, life story, beliefs and lifestyle that are most important to your relationship
CREATE YOUR CORE VALUES BLUEPRINT
❤️ Get the exact framework for crafting your core values dating blueprint that shows you what to say and how to date to meet the partner who’s right for you
PUT YOUR BEST SELF OUT THERE AT EVERY STAGE OF DATING
❤️ Learn exactly how to apply your core values to every part of dating - Add it to your dating profile so that it is as unique and compelling as you are
Get Your Core Values Dating Blueprint Now
Hello everyone, welcome back to the dating after divorce podcast. I have here on Zoom with me Dr Manuela Powell. Dr Manuela is a life coach for 40 plus women who are ready to start living the sparkliest, loudest and most outrageously real years of their lives. After finally getting the memo that she was queer at the tender age of 47, she realized most women could use some help to come out of whichever bullshit closet they've been stuck in forever, and so she took it upon herself to be their sole fluffer. I love it. This is like the best bio ever, and I'm going to let you just tell the audience you know all about yourself because, like, there's so much good stuff in here in your bio, but why don't you introduce yourself to the audience, tell them a little bit about who you are and what you do?
Manuela Powell:Sure, thank you so much and so glad to be here talking to you. So, as you said, I well, I am a former breast cancer surgeon and working with women for 20 plus years I realized that there was a lot of people, women, who did everything right, meaning they ate their kale and they did the yoga and their bloodies, and then there they were in my office with cancer at 40. So I realized that the dynamics a lot of times with the you know, the partners or the families, these are women that, yes, did everything right, but they did everything that they should and not things they wanted to. So they were living with this mask and just this, you know, just doing things, checking the boxes, like they were told to do, like a good girl. And so I realized that helping them get rid of that might even save more lives than actually the cancer surgery, because you might not have the cancer, because obviously we know that our mental state does contribute a lot to disease.
Sade Curry:Yeah, Amazing, oh, my goodness, that is amazing and you know it really. It brings back one of my early clients. I worked with her she's been like four or five years ago and she came to me for like a divorce recovery and she had filed for a divorce because her oncologist told her she had breast cancer and so it was in remission, that she should not have had breast cancer. She's like she said, my oncologist told me that I had zero markers and I don't know all the medical terms for this Like genetically, you should not have breast cancer. There's no reason for you to have what you have.
Manuela Powell:Yeah, I think.
Manuela Powell:I do think that you know, when we do that, when we live life like that, just doing everything for everybody else, be it our partners or even just society in general we do have a lot of resentment because it's like, why can't I have the things?
Manuela Powell:Why, you know? And even worse, when you do have the things meaning you have a good career and relationship and kids and all the things like you checked all the boxes and you're still not happy. So then it's like, well, obviously there's something wrong with me, because they said that this is what I need to do to be happy. And here I am every night lying down in bed and being like, really, like that's it, like what's the deal? So that is a lot of what I call integrity is just being on the outside the same as you are on the inside, and I feel like there's a lot of like your inner self knows that that is not right, yeah, and that there's some, lots of things you're doing that go completely against what you believe and who you actually are. So I do believe that that sort of resentment will have consequences to our health.
Sade Curry:Yeah, and this is such a common situation for women in midlife. Like every other every nine, every ninth woman out of every 10, you know, women has this story of like I did all the things. Why am I here? Why am I divorced? Why am I unhappy? Why am I sick? Why am I like? What is your? I mean, I know we believe the same things about why we all got here, but I want to hear you tell kind of like how did we all get here? Like what's happening?
Manuela Powell:I mean there's? There's one very simple explanation the patriarchy in the story. That's it Done. Okay, we're good Because really we have been, as women, oppressed forever in that, in that we're seen as less than we've seen as we need to. We need to conform to these certain rules. I just saw recently Dolly Parton the queen, the goddess, just showed up with her little shorts and whatever the clothes that she wears and, oh my God, people are just like she is 70, whatever. That is absurd. I'm like just what the woman has, like 75 Grammys and Oscar nominate, like all the things. Just can we just like not do this? So all those things. Even if you're a badass feminist or if you're progressive, there's so many little messages that you get that just keep telling you that you are a little less than just a little less.
Manuela Powell:than You're just not the same, we don't make the same money and the whole men's plan, whatever. There's so many things in the media that just keep reinforcing the message that we should not make waves, we need to be polite, everybody needs to be taken care of and our job is to serve others, et cetera, et cetera. So all those things, this is not our nature. Of course, we want to help others. We're here. I was a doctor and now I'm a coach. I love helping others, but not to the expense of myself. And one thing that I like to say is that there is the word selfless and there's the word selfish, and I think we need a word in the middle, which I call selfful, because it's not about being selfish. Yes, we care about other people and we want to do things for others. We want to help, we want to contribute, but not to the expense of our health.
Sade Curry:Yeah, yeah, 100%. And you know, and I won't go down this rabbit trail, but there's just the narrative that how those words are even used. Who are those? Who do those words apply to? I rarely hear about the selfless man, oh.
Manuela Powell:God.
Sade Curry:Selfish man.
Manuela Powell:Totally yeah, exactly no, they're doing the thing, they're working all day and then they'll raise the kids or whatever it is. It's just like, oh yeah, sure, I'm the one who cooks and takes care of the kids, just because it's how it is, or I do it better, or whatever Right. It's just like there's so much of that, and not to say absolutely, there's men, lots of men, that do so much of their job. Let's just be clear. They're not helping their wives. But you know, it's the messages we get, even when we are in these relationships, which my marriage was. My ex-husband is very present in our kids and he was very present at home and all these things, but still we still have those messages from society.
Sade Curry:Yeah, yeah. So you know we're married, you've been divorced, you're in a relationship now which is we're here to talk about All of that and get the good tea. How did any did this play out in your own relationships as well Just being socialized as a woman and being seen as less than like? How did that play out in the way you showed up in your marriage or in the way your relationship dynamic?
Manuela Powell:Yeah, I think in my marriage I still had a lot of those messages playing out. So I had, I got married and I had kids quite late. I met my ex when I was 40. He was 28, by the way. So I was like what, that's not even happening. And we lived in Hawaii. It was like everything is fine, it's great, this is just whatever.
Manuela Powell:And eventually, while it wasn't, and we decided to build a life together and I had kids pretty late, I was 42 with my first and 44 with the second and I was like it's going to be fine, I'm a grown ass adult, like nothing is going to change, which was super cute. But you know, when I, when I had my first kid, it really motherhood was just like a bomb that exploded in my life and I was we were living in Brazil at the time, so it was a little easier. My career was a little more manageable because I could really work part time and I, you know, in Brazil we have, I had a maid and I had a nanny and I have my, my family and all that support that we get like that, and but it was so hard. I just immediately I remember this one time that I was again. I had a maid and I had a nanny and I remember this time when I was washing a bottle because my both, my sons, they breastfed and then they need for, needed formula because they couldn't stop eating ever. So I was washing a bottle after having breastfed and I look, you know, across to my ex and he's like had the baby in a little, you know that little sack that we put in front and he was doing his thing. He was reading a book or doing somewhere, I don't know what it was. He was doing something that was not baby related and I remember, like looking at him, I was like, oh my God, look at him, he can actually do. I remember like just being like, how can he do anything else? So it was not that he was saying. He was like, oh yeah, you do the things. So I again I had other people that could be doing that, but I felt so this is my job, I have to do it.
Manuela Powell:Until I had to like really like force myself, like, okay, what is I need to like tone it down because it's just, it's just impossible if I keep going this way. So I think I put myself because of all that, I put myself in this situation. I'm like, oh, now I have to. I don't know what, I don't know what switch just flipped to my mind that now I'm this servant to this mini being. And then, of course, you know, if you're a servant to this mini being, let's just be a servant to everybody else who needs something, cause why not, we're already here.
Manuela Powell:So I felt like I was always a badass person my whole life. I was called intimidating so much. I mean, I was a cancer, I was a cancer surgeon, fair firefighter, all these things. And then now I'm here, just like doing everything for everyone and just like becoming, like feeling myself, becoming small, and Until the day that I realized that I was like wait what? I found a picture of me when I danced in a burlesque show and I looked at that picture and I was like when is this person? Like what happened? And I look at myself for the mom jeans and I haven't even put like an earring for like a year, you know, just like I took a shower today. That's great. I was like what just happened to that person?
Manuela Powell:I realized how much of my identity I let go because of motherhood. So that's when I started this whole like, okay, I need to get like coaching and all of that to to get back to. Okay, who am I really now that I am like I have all these things, plus I have little homie humans. So thank God for coaching, because that's what kind of made me go back to. Okay, we, we can go back to, or even not go back, because now I don't. I never felt like I am right now and I do think that 40s and 50s you're like you know, you shed a bunch of things that we carry earlier, but it was really doing all the work that I did and that's why now that's what I help people with, because I see how Amazing it is when you don't have to live with those expectations and that weight.
Sade Curry:Yeah, yeah. And where do you think like for you specifically, when did the expectation that definition of motherhood has been, this all-consuming Identity, shift, do you? I?
Manuela Powell:honestly, I that was absolutely not what my mom taught me directly. She never said you need to be home and take care of your kids, never, once she did that. I Think, again, it's really the weight of society, because it was not. You know, I was a professional person and of course, in the professional life, especially the time that I was in Brazil, there was so much the whole macho stuff and so many you know, harassment, all those things that are like, yeah, they're just how it is kind of thing, and I just like, yeah, we just have to take it because that's what men do and whatever. So I don't know. I honestly don't know, and I've been, you know, I've asked myself a lot that, because that is not. I was not raised to be a housewife Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I wasn't raised to this so that I didn't learn that. You know, being home, I Think it's really just. It's just society.
Sade Curry:I don't know All the images with me and I think mine, mine came probably for a little bit from religion. I became really just as a teenager. So like I was, like that was like my rebellion against my parents was to become super religious because they weren't, and I think that environment is kind of where I got the whole like yes. Motherhood, like the Madonna, the image of the Madonna.
Manuela Powell:Yeah, absolutely yeah. I have no clue, because I was never like that. I actually didn't even know I wanted to have kids until my first niece was born, when I was 30, and then I was like, oh, I totally want to have a kids. Look at that, I love that person. I don't even know her and I love her, yeah. But until then I was like I don't even know if I want this. I never particularly liked kids, you know. It was just like what and so it's. It's that's what I'm saying how even a person like me Could be in this situation. Imagine all the other people who are, who grew up in in way more oppressive societies or families or or communities in general.
Sade Curry:Yeah, yeah, 100%. All right, let's talk about dating. Yeah, so you have been divorced? How many years now? So we separated in November 2021, so two years now two years and like what were your thoughts like after the divorce when it was like, ah Done, oh yeah, dating and a new relationship I wanted nothing to do with it, like absolutely nothing.
Manuela Powell:I was just like I at some point right because obviously there's that first part of the separation and divorce now that they're like everything sucks and Everything's horrible, what would you like kids like? How help them to them to, you know, adjust to everything? So once that was sort of settled, I was like, okay, what's what's the deal now? And I started doing something that I always love to do and I haven't been doing in forever, which was dancing. So I started doing a lot of partner dancing and so I had that and I had my business and I had my kids. My life was great.
Manuela Powell:So my, my friends are trying to set me up at some point. You know, like a after six months or so, they're trying to set me up with people and I'm like absolutely not, I do not have the bandwidth, I do not, I don't, I don't. I really I felt like I don't need a relationship in my life. My life is really good right now. So like, where would I even put a relationship at this point? And so I was like actively, kind of like, like, not against it, like if I meet someone, fine, but like people like, are you gonna go in the apps. I'm like absolutely not. No, uh, uh, that's a whole job. I don't want to do that, I'm fine.
Sade Curry:Yeah, and so how did you meet your partner? Like, what was the, what was the switch? Did you become more open to it?
Manuela Powell:I honestly don't think I. I think it was like I'm open, I I knew I think at that point I was like you know what, I? I know that like, maybe, like in a couple of years, it's gonna be great, I'm gonna meet a great person, it's gonna be awesome. But that was kind of like I know this is gonna happen because now I'm so happy with myself and I love myself which was a new thing for me because I did not love myself before so like I'm just so satisfied with myself, with my life, so obviously that's gonna happen In a couple of years.
Manuela Powell:And then I went to an event in New York. Our friend Serena Was in her mastermind. We had this, this live Event there. And since I was in New York, I live in Texas, in Austin. So I was like well, I'm, I'm gonna go to DC. I lived in DC for a while. I hadn't been there in like eight years and I have friends there. So I call one of my friends like hey, I'm, I'm coming to DC. He's a musician. He's like I have this gig on Saturday. It's gonna be great, so cool, I'm gonna go on Saturday. But then on Thursday I was like you know, I've been here like for the whole week, I'm good. So I call my friend, like hey, is there anything going on on Friday? Because I think I'm gonna go. I was like, oh yeah, I have a party at a castle. It's like perfect, I'm coming on Friday. And that's where I met him.
Sade Curry:I didn't have like and I like listen, don't spare us any details, because I know the list. Oh girl, I will People in person. You want the detail? I will tell the detail.
Manuela Powell:Okay. So I would tell all the dirty details. Okay, because I love the story honestly. So here's the thing I did not want a relationship, but I'm still human and I was like you know it'll be great a one night stand, because you know That'll be awesome.
Manuela Powell:It's just like a one night stand. I have some fun, go home and a story, right. So like DC would be the perfect place to do that, because my friend is gonna be there on stage playing. You know it's a show there's gonna be. That's, that's my plan. I'm very good at, you know, making these things. So I was like I'm gonna make this happen.
Manuela Powell:So we go to the party and at the party, actually I was kind of not not even thinking about it. I was more like you know, maybe in the show tomorrow. So I go to the party and they're having this jam session, right, everybody's like there, my friend's the guitar player, so he's playing the guitar and before we get there, he said to me he was like you know, there's this guy that I really want to play one of my bands because he's really good drummer, he's awesome. So I'm gonna text him to come down and jam with us. So I'm there watching them play. Eventually the drummer comes and they play, and by when they stop, I started talking to him. I was like, okay, this is a guy, this is, this is, this is where we're going, this is what's happening. Okay, this guy is a perfect, perfect, um, target. Yeah. So I was like, okay, this is, this is what's up. But so we talked for a little bit and then my friend, who was doing whatever, came to call me to do something. And as I turned to talk, my friend, this dude, disappears, like just leaves, and I was like, what the hell? Like what you just left, dang it. So, okay, we decided to leave.
Manuela Powell:The party was kind of weird. So like, okay, let's leave. So we go. When we say goodbye, we kind of say goodbye to him, and it was kind of like we just held hands. I'm like bye, and it was kind of there was a, there was a vibe there. I was like, okay, maybe there's something there.
Manuela Powell:So we leave and I tell my friend's like, hey, what's what's the deal with this Ben guy? And he's like, oh, he's a great drummer, like none of that, like he's cute. What, what's the deal? That's what I want to know. He's like, oh, okay, you like him. I was like, yeah, is it going to your show tomorrow? And he's like, well, I can invite him. And I was like, okay, here's, here's what I would like it to do. I want you to invite him, but I want you to tell him that I'm inviting him, because then it's clear that it's like and this is like, this is, this would be he would text him on a Saturday at noon and this show is like at 8 pm. So, like you have so many, he plays in five bands.
Manuela Powell:So, like you, first of all, it's a miracle that he did not have a gig on Friday and Saturday. First of all, like that never happens. But so he texted him and he says that, and he says, oh, I thought you guys were together. And I was like no, no, she's my friend. I actually have a girlfriend. She wasn't there, whatever. So I was like oh, okay, yeah, I'll see you tonight. Then, so cool. And I was like, okay, it's on, all right, excited.
Manuela Powell:So I get to the show and he arrives, cool, my friend goes play and as we're sitting there, at some point he turns to me. His name is is ben, by the way. So he turns to me and he's like hey, hey, do you want to go dance? And I was like excuse me, what do you mean? I was like let's go dance, do you dance? I'm like, do I? Okay, let's go dance. So then I'm like all right, this is perfect, I knew it All right. So we dance. It's great. Um, as my friend is, you know, the show is over, he's grabbing his stuff and all that. So I go to ben and say hey, so what are you doing? Out this like 9 pm. And he's like, oh, I'm gonna go to the spa to Watch this band that I've been meaning to see. And how about you? I was like, oh, I'm, I'm gonna say yes when you invite me to go with you to watch this band. And he laughs and I was like, oh, do you want to come with me? Like yes, please. So we go and we dance again. It was like, oh, this is great, because I just adore dancing. It's so perfect and you know, partner dancing is such like there's so much connection, it's anyway. So I was just like this is excellent.
Manuela Powell:So eventually we leave this bar and you know we're there and everything is fine and we're flirting and like so we're talking about divorce and dating. Because he was also divorced. He had told me that on the party the day before that he had been divorced like two or three years, whatever. And it's like how is dating is like? You know, dating is like I don't know, it's kind of, you know, it's hard. Is that the whole the thing, like we go and whatever. So you know the whole what we know with the people that like, okay, we're divorced and we're just like trying out all these things and I'm on the apps and I'm doing the thing.
Manuela Powell:So we're walking out to the parking lot and I was like what the hell? Like you know what's going on. So I just turned to him at some point. I was like so quick question Are you going to kiss me or what? What's happening? And he was like yes, so he did kiss me and it was so good, I like that moment I was like, ah crap, this is not going to be just a one-eyed stand, is it? Damn it. So, anyway, yeah, so we did go to his house and sorry, if you feel this, you know, if you're listening, you're like, oh my gosh. I was like, yes, I can do whatever the hell I want. So you know, I recommend it, it's great.
Manuela Powell:So I went to his house and left and I knew he had a gig during the day, the whole day, the next day, which was Sunday, and I was going to leave Monday morning and I woke up and I was like there's no, I can't, I can't leave without seeing him again, like I'm never going to see him again, like no. So I text him and say, hey, I actually can't stop thinking of you, so I want you to kiss me more. Can we do that? Which was like it actually made me super nervous, because he would be like what is this crazy woman, just like you know? Yesterday was already like just like how many of you? What's happening? And he was like no, oh yeah, no, that's great, that's a great idea, let's do that.
Manuela Powell:But he was like, would I have this gig the whole day and you're leaving tomorrow morning, but I only have my kids on Tuesday. So I was like, well, I can change my flight to Tuesday. So I was like, great, I'll pick you up Monday morning, I'll drop you off at the airport on Tuesday. And, honestly, like those 24 hours we just like we had all the conversations and we, just because I was like, okay, I have no time to lose, I don't want to be playing games and all that stuff. So like, hey, here's the deal. I live over there. Like here's how my life is and and all that. So, and we, you know, we were just like so open and we told each other so many things about our lives and we realized that, like no, yeah, we'll, you know, I think this is something that could be cool to pursue, so let's see what happens you know, amazing how long has it been since you started.
Manuela Powell:It's been. That was a year and two months ago.
Sade Curry:Amazing. And you live in Austin still yeah. He lives in DC still yeah. And one of the reasons I was super excited to have you on is because my listeners and my clients are constantly asking about long distance relationships, which, you know, as a general rule, I generally discourage them because this complicated, there's a lot, and, of course, there's always outliers. And I always say, hey, listen, guys, I'm not saying long distance relationships don't work. However, the ones that do are outliers, and then you are one of the outliers.
Manuela Powell:So I would love to just talk about that.
Manuela Powell:Yeah, I would say it's not for everyone. I actually love it because of all the things that I said previously. My life is full. I have a lot of things going on and you know we do make the time to see each other.
Manuela Powell:First of all, I don't think it's possible. If you don't have a job, like I do, I can't go wherever I don't have to be tied to a location, which is actually one of the things. When I quit medicine, I'm like my one goal. I have two goals I want location freedom and I want to help people. So because I didn't want to be, you know, I had my whole life was slave to a place. So you know, if you don't have that situation, it might be so much harder. The other thing is that there's there are direct flights between Austin and DC or Baltimore, so that's also very I mean, it makes things easier.
Manuela Powell:So we do see each other at least once a month with the, with what I have with my ex, we have our kids one week on when we off. He also travels a lot. So a lot of times, you know, we just like we make it work. But basically, I see, we see each other at least once a month and I am actually the one who usually goes there because he has all the bands and all the gigs. So you know, it's yeah, and this is a choice, and this is the choice I'm cool with, because I love going there and I have fun and I enjoy it and I love the gigs and I love dancing and now I know all the dancers that go to his gigs. There's a really cool group. So you know, it, make it, make it, I make it work, we make it work, but it's definitely not for everyone.
Sade Curry:Yeah, For why is it not for everyone? And like, I mean, I know all the reasons why I tell people she's not going to be like. I just want to hear from like why is this not for everyone? Like because there's a lot of them, almost like I don't want to say higher thinking, but like more radical. Yeah, here's all the things loosely that has to go into that kind of relationship.
Manuela Powell:Yes, I think. I think there's a that's what it wouldn't have worked for me in other phases of my life, especially the phase of my life where I was really insecure and I, you know, first of all I was like, if I love a person, oh my God, if the person breaks up with me, is the end of everything. I don't even know how I'm going to survive, like that feeling of like the neediness and the I'm going to die if this person breaks up with me. I don't have that. I love him and I hope we don't break up, but I know I'm going to not going to die if that happens. I know I will survive, because I did many times before, and not only that.
Manuela Powell:I really believe that I not only will survive, but I will meet another amazing person. I don't have a doubt about it, and I I never, I never thought that before and I think it's because I didn't really love myself. So I think that is the first thing you being really secure and in love with yourself first and I know it sounds such a cliche, but it's it's really true that that makes a huge difference, because there's a lot of things that go into making a relationship successful. And I actually talked to him today and was like, hey, do you, what do you? I'm going to be in the podcast. What are some of the things that you think, because I was like I want to actually come here with some actionable things, or at least like very practical things that I have five things that I think are very important for a long distance relationship to work, and do you want to go through them?
Sade Curry:Oh, please, I'm like riveted.
Manuela Powell:You just keep going, ok. So the first thing I think people need to make a decision when you are, when you meet someone who doesn't live in your same zip code code, is this a relationship or is an occasional hookup? Because it's going to be very different. A relationship will require a deeper connection. So you're going to have to do things like you're going to have to share kind of the boring quote unquote parts of your life. Like you know, we talk at least twice a day, if not more. We text a lot and we're just like, oh, yeah, today, yeah, you're just, like you know, clean my bathroom or whatever, like just the things that you would do if you were either living in the same house or I leave, as at least seeing each other more more often, right, so that will you know. You need to like the same things but also like be open to sharing those kind of things.
Sade Curry:So not the. I haven't heard from him in two days. Panic, can I?
Manuela Powell:text him. Should I text him? Oh my God, if I text him, is it going to? I mean, please no. And this I told him like right in the beginning. I'm not going to play games. If I want to text you, I'm going to text you. If I want to call you, I'm going to call you because, oh my God, I just do not want to do that anymore, ever.
Sade Curry:Yeah, would that work? Because I think some of the situations that happen that I've seen is what I haven't heard from him in two days. How do you handle if that, if that I don't know, does that?
Manuela Powell:happen to us. Even in the beginning, I would think he was dead and I wouldn't send a search party to his house because it was something that actually, that's number two, which is to establish some agreements I want to call it rules, I would say agreements and agreements may involve a lot of things, and this is something that we talked on the first day. We talked about it. Okay, how are we going to deal with this? So some things are like how often are we planning to see each other? And you know, how is our daily communication going to look like?
Manuela Powell:I just had a friend who called me recently because she met someone who didn't live in the same city as hers. Like, let's talk about it. And one of the things she was like, oh, should I text him, should I not? I'm like, listen, you have, you guys have to decide like, what's the deal? Because if not, you can't play games three thousand miles away. That is that is so hard. That's going to be so much more difficult to even establish a connection. I mean, I think, actually, these five things that I'm going to tell you are true for relationships, no matter where they are, but I think they're even more important if you're on the long distance relationship. So in part of also the agreement is not just how you're going to communicate, but also your boundaries, what is okay and what's not okay. In our case, we immediately said you know, I think monogamy is not cool, so we're ethically non monogamous, which is a whole other conversation. But that requires so many conversations about what's cool, what's okay, what's not.
Sade Curry:But even if you're not, in that it's fine Ethical non monogamy.
Manuela Powell:It's just that we are not. We are able to I mean, there's so many definitions. It just means we are not monogamous so we can go and hook up with someone else. We can go on a date, we can go. We're not polyamorous. So I think that the well, polyamory is a form of ethical non monogamy. We're not full on poly because we don't have other relationships, emotional relationships. I think that's the the for us, and if that would happen, then we were going to talk about it.
Manuela Powell:But such I haven't, I absolutely do not have the bandwidth for that. I keep saying this is it for me, but we, you know, we can go on dates or we whatever like, and that is the kind of stuff exactly that you want to talk about. Because it looks different to many people. We can say I'm not okay, what does it mean for you to mean to be a non monogamous Right? And what does it mean, you know, if you're like well, okay, you have a party and, hey, I invited this person. Okay, is that a friend of yours or is that someone that you have an interest in? Because I want to know. And I want to know before, and we have to talk about hey, are you comfortable with this, are you not? That that's the kind of conversations that we we need to have?
Sade Curry:Yeah, you know that that this is one of the reasons why I admire non heteronormative relationships. I'm not in one, have no desire to be in one, but I admire the fact that there's so much direct communication and so many really great boundaries, because one of the things I have to correct with women all the time is even you're saying, hey, we need to define what non monogamy means for us. I think we need to define what a relationship is for every relationship.
Sade Curry:Absolutely I've talked to women who are like there's this guy that I'm seeing and how do I tell him what I need? And I'm like define scene and what it means is they went on one date and he's been texting her good morning and good night for a month.
Manuela Powell:Yeah, that's not seeing. You saw him in the past one time.
Sade Curry:She thinks she's in a relationship with him, right as a text in everyone, so she defines it as that and so she's trying to apply the rules of two people who are exclusive to this quote unquote relationship. And I'm like, oh my God, we have so much work to do, yeah, in just knowing that we need to define that. Frames of reference.
Manuela Powell:Yeah, and you know, like what can happen with this friend of mine, she did get into a relationship with this person and the guy told her immediately it was like you know, I don't want to have a relationship, and whatever were his reasons. And I listen, I've done that not once, probably not even twice. Okay, I've done that. The person tells me I do not want to be in a relationship. I was like what, do you want to be in a relationship with me? Cause I'm amazing, yeah, You're crumbling.
Manuela Powell:And you're like, and I can feel you, you're totally like me, whatever, let's just people tell you things. Just believe them. When they tell you things, this doesn't matter what's happening. They told you that. So, anyway, in the end it was like, oh, but we're texting every day, but like he seems to like me and all this, just freaking ask him. And I actually say a lot of.
Manuela Powell:If we were all in the habit of just say, hey, why, what do you mean by that? If we were in the habit of asking that question like all the time to all the things everybody would be happier in all the things in business and relationship and parents, all the things. Cause, like, what does that? Let's not assume. Oh, but he said that, so I think it's that. And no, just freaking ask him. What does that mean? Right? So if you go and you say, hey, I'm actually super into you and I would love for us to have I, we said that to each other. It was like, hey, I'm, I'm super, I'm in love with you, like I know we just met, but like I'm super in love with you. So, like, what are we going to do? And he's like, yeah, cool, so how are we going to make this work. I'm like well, we'll see Right. So it's just like okay, what does that mean? Okay, I'm your girlfriend, you're my. What does that mean? Oh, this is what it means to us. Doesn't mean you know that everybody's going to have the same definition, but you need to know what the things mean to you, even if you're just seeing a person. Okay, are you both on the same page? That you're just seeing a person? Yeah, anyway.
Manuela Powell:So I think, like these are very important. So the first thing is you know you have to decide what kind of relationship you want to have. Second one is to establish all these agreements. The third thing is really hard for a lot of people is to trust the other person. Because it is I would. I don't know if it's impossible, but oh my God, like, if why you're in a relationship with a person that you don't trust. Number one just don't, just as a rule, just please don't, because I know we do these things because like, oh, but he's amazing or she's amazing, whatever, like, and here we are, like these people, I love them, but if you don't trust them, like, how can you? How can this be anything? Yeah, so jealousy is even less sustainable in a long distance relationship than it is on, you know, local relationship.
Sade Curry:Yeah, I mean I do want to talk about trust a little bit, because there's so many nuances to that, because the, I think, a lot of trust when you trust your partner or the person you're in a relationship with, half of that trust constitutes the self-trust that you can handle them breaking your trust.
Manuela Powell:I think it's almost all of it is like you trust yourself what I said in the beginning I'm not gonna die if this person cold and cold hurts me in some way. So you trust that and you trust that as like, well, no, I made the right choice for me right now, like this is a person that I can actually he's saying or she's saying these things and I actually can hear those things and be like, yeah, this is, these are compatible with the actions that I'm seeing and everything kind of you know feels like you know, we do know, I mean we, you know and listen, I had a boyfriend once that was a complete psychopath. I needed a bodyguard, like it was complete. So there are these people that will manipulate you and do horrible things for sure. So I don't want to dismiss that. But you know, in a regular relationship there's a lot of things that were like I knew since the beginning. Even the psychopath like I knew kind of the beginning, not that he was total psycho, but that was like what am I doing with this guy?
Sade Curry:But even choosing to believe someone when you see the red flags is a sign that you don't you're not trusting what's coming up.
Manuela Powell:Yes, because you don't trust yourself and you're like well and also like well. This person now likes me, so like, and they're great because and then you have all the reasons why they're great.
Sade Curry:I'll never find someone else like them. What if this is the last person? So?
Manuela Powell:all of that, the I'm not going to find someone or this person is amazing and they love me. So obviously I mean I should just what? No, that's that red flag is like no, nevermind, that's obviously not. So we do not trust ourselves. So, trusting the person first of all, to actually trust that they're not going to be, I mean doing whatever you agree you won't do, but also that is like that it's worth it that you're not. You know, because it's work obviously I mean every relationship is, but if you add a bunch of plane rides and all that in the middle, it's even more work. So it's really, I mean, without trust I don't see how to move forward. Like I would really recommend against, but that would be true for anything.
Manuela Powell:The fourth thing is to be ridiculously open and honest to yourself and to your partner. And then honestly with yourself means always making sure that your needs are being met and that you're not having expectations that won't ever be compatible with the reality of your relationship. For example, if you want to have kids and, like Ben and I, we don't have plans to live in the same place, he's not going to move here and I'm not going to move there. So this is our relationship. I mean, we're fine If we had a, if we wanted either of us wanted to have kids with each other. How would really be a problem? Cause like, how are we going to do this if we're not going to live in the same city? So you do have to be honest with yourself, because if there is something that is really important to you, there is nothing that that person is going to do that is going to fill that void.
Sade Curry:Yeah.
Manuela Powell:So if you want to, if you want to have kids or if you want to know, what I want is like a person to every single day, come and massage my feet and watch movies and eat popcorn every single night, cause obviously we do that, but like we do that once a month, you know. So it's not the same. So you really need to again know yourself and be honest with yourself, to be like is this really meeting my needs? Because if it's not, you will resent that person.
Sade Curry:Right. And also like the relationship is what it is now. It could morph into something, but almost like accepting that it is what it is right now.
Manuela Powell:Yeah, and I and I yeah, and that part is like it's important because, like in the beginning you might even talk, okay, if this goes, because obviously a lot of people are in long distance relationships and they then move into the same city, right, so of course that happens, but you have to really be realistic about that. I see a lot. I wasn't in Facebook group for a little bit about long distance relationship. I quickly left because that was giving me anxiety attack, cause I just wanted to tell everyone was like what are the hell are you doing right now? This is crazy.
Sade Curry:Those are the conversations I typically am having around long distance and I'm like you know what? Why don't we put all that energy in someone in your city?
Manuela Powell:Yeah. So there's a lot of you know, there's a lot that can, that you can see. That is like it's just not serving you. And yeah, it might be like like this friend of mine she was really sad, she really liked this guy but like in the end it was like, listen, he doesn't want a relationship, what are you going to do? Even if it was like a living next door to you, like there's nothing you can do, but like if he's far away, that's even harder, Like that's not going to work. So you just need to like you're not going to convince him, you're not, like there's, there's none of that, which is, again, true for all relationships. So you just have to, at some point, be like no, let's just okay, let's go grieve this thing, let's go cry for a long and eat ice cream or whatever it is that you do when you're grieving, and then we're going to move on, because that's not the end of it. You know, there's just a little blip in the road.
Manuela Powell:And the fifth thing, which is a more practical thing, is, as much as possible, I would say, to share the burden of travel. So, as I said, I'm the one who travels more and we talk about it and I know it kind of bothers him in a sense. So sometimes he would like he would. He buys my plane tickets or he would do things like that, or we would meet somewhere else if he has the availability. But it does, you know, make it. It's really tiring. So a lot of times, like I'm going to travel in tomorrow to see him and yesterday was like, oh my gosh, just have to pack again. So I know, when I get there is like oh my gosh, amazing, I'm so happy I'm here. But like there's that point I was like can someone just come here and just back? And now obviously I have, you know, all the hacks and all the things, but still you're still going to pack your bag, you're still going to go to the airport, is that that's? You know the kind of distance there is, or you're going to be driving or whatever.
Manuela Powell:If you can share a little bit of that, that will make it easier. And if you don't, like in my case, just be very clear with yourself. If that's something you do because like I have to do it, because if I don't we're not going to be in a relationship that can be true, but make sure you're not resenting them or being like well, but I go here, come here all the time, so you have to do whatever.
Manuela Powell:The other thing is to kind of like balance things out. And if you think there's like we had a conversation once of like, hey, how about we like we share the price of the tickets? I was like sure, right, like, let's do that when you come out, I'll pay for half of you. Even when I go like, you pay for a half of mine. So then it's like okay, I'm not the one who's spending like this ridiculous amount of money all the time, you know, and so I don't. There's just like, really, you need to be really practical. I might say, oh, but that's not romantic. I'm like, well, you know it's not romantic, like feeling like you're getting the short end of the stick, because that's not going to be sustainable either.
Sade Curry:It is romantic, I call it mutual. Reciprocity is very sexy.
Manuela Powell:Yes, thank you, exactly.
Sade Curry:It's one of the things that I would ask my clients I'd be like. So does this relationship feel mutually reciprocal, like things are flowing both ways? If it does.
Manuela Powell:Yes, yes. And that doesn't mean tit for tat also, because like with this, for example, with this part, is like no, it doesn't mean that I'm going to be, I'm going to have this number of miles and you're going to have this number of miles. That's not what it means. But it means like okay, I'm doing this, but I'm still. That still is something that I am enjoying. And we always say for both of us like you know, we're going to be in this relationship while it is attention I am going to curse now, but there's no other way to say this but we're only going to be in this relationship while it's a fuck yeah for both of us. When it's stopping that, then we're not going to do it anymore because it is work. So for now, it's like we're like no, we're still.
Manuela Powell:And we talk so much, we have so many conversations like I never had these kinds of conversations before in relationships. And the other thing that I always do is like, if there's something that bothers me, you know, he's not perfect, I'm not perfect. So a lot of times we have to talk about things that are like hey, this was not cool, or I didn't like this, or like can we do this differently. I never had this kind of I would be like, oh, you know, this is so small, it doesn't matter, let's just.
Manuela Powell:You know, that was one of the things that I did a lot in my marriage, totally on me, and I think it was a really corroded the relationship because I was like, oh, that's why if I say that, then you know it's going to be a fight or whatever. Well, if it's going to be a fight, it's going to be a fight, and if they're going to get mad, they're going to get mad. And that is one of the things that I really work a lot with my clients, which is to allow people to have their feelings without you having to go and comfort them or you're not responsible for their feelings. Obviously, don't be an asshole, right, I'm not saying that, but just like, say what you need to say. And a lot of times you know they're like hey, this is, this is how I want this to play out, are you available for that? And maybe the person's going to say, no, I actually I'm actually not. Here's what I propose. You need to have these conversations all the time.
Sade Curry:Yeah, 100%. All right, that's some more questions for you. One is how is having a long distance relationship? It's got to have some advantages over. I don't. Yes.
Manuela Powell:And I want to hear that I have five. I'm going to say I'm ready for this question because I was like. I want to say that there are advantages. First of all, I think it's really hard to get tired or super annoyed with the other person. You know, even if we're like, oh, my God, this is kind of an annoying thing, that you do is like I'm leaving tomorrow, it's fine, you know. And then we're like, oh, and then we don't see each other for three weeks. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I miss you, forgot about it completely. And then we see, you know, and if it's something that is like recurrent, okay, let's talk about that thing, right. But if it's some like you know, because honestly I don't know if it's the phase of my life or just like I just really love myself too much, I kind of have a very low tolerance for people in general I just like I don't and I tell this to him and to anybody else.
Manuela Powell:I don't know if it's going to change the future, but as of now, I do not foresee me myself living with anyone that I have not given birth to. I do not want to live with people. I love living by myself. I love to have my house. I love having like everything exactly the way I want. I'm super high maintenance and I love it. And he's obviously high maintenance, although he says he's not. He is because he should. He's 60 years old. Like, come on, like you should be high maintenance at this point in your life. So you want the things the way you want and I want the things that way I want. So, for one week out a month, perfect. We can do that and we can compromise and it's great, so much easier to compromise when it's such a short time. So that's number one.
Manuela Powell:Number two is that we do have, like the new relationship, energy, like most of the time, because it's always like oh my gosh, we're going to see each other tomorrow. Oh my God, that's so exciting, you know it's great. And then we see each other and it's, you know it's just so different that at this phase, like after a year, more than a year, we would probably be like more. You know, like all right, we're just like, we do this, and instead there's always that oh my gosh, like we're going to see each other tomorrow. It's going to be so exciting, you know it can be more intense in a way, because you know, the week that we're together, like we're together all the time and yes, I still work and do things, but like, because also his work is very he, you know, he doesn't need to go to an office, we're together for that whole week for basically 24 hours.
Manuela Powell:You know every single day. So it has that you know intensity. And and then another thing which is really good is that when you're not there, you can you have your independence, you can, you know, do your thing, and I think it allows for especially women. We're so good at morphing ourselves into whatever the partner wants us to be, or even not even what they want us to be, but like, if they like rock climbing, suddenly I'm like, I love rock climbing.
Sade Curry:I you know like, oh my gosh this is amazing, I love it.
Manuela Powell:Right. And it was like no, like my ex loved camping. I'm like bye, have fun, I'm not going like my my bed, you know so like that. That is so much easier to do that. Because then he's like yeah sure, he likes hunting. Can you imagine hunting? He said, yeah, you have to like sit very still and be very quiet and not call attention to yourself. I'm like these are things that I hate.
Sade Curry:All of them Like I don't know, yeah, I was like what are you talking about?
Manuela Powell:I am very loud, red hair, bright red. I was like sitting still for the whole that you are insane. And then you shoot up like stop right there, I can't. But like he can do what he did. You know, thanksgiving he went and did that and like good, amazing, go do that, because he that's how you know you grew up and you love that stuff and great, of course, also having common interests.
Manuela Powell:But you know you have time to pursue the things that are important to you, that don't necessarily have to involve them. So it does make you, even if you don't want to, like it makes you have your own life, like you do have. You know, the week that I'm not with my kids and I'm not traveling, I'm not gonna sit in my house all day like, okay, I'm gonna, like you know, meet some friends or I'm gonna, whatever you need, to go and do things. And, and the fifth thing is, like it can't be, it feel like that that time when you go see them it feels like a vacation. So I basically have one week vacation every month. You know I have that vibe of like this is such, even if I'm still working, it still feels like, you know, I'm on a trip and we're doing different things. I'm not, my house is is all of that, so I actually do like it.
Sade Curry:Yeah, I mean, it sounds amazing my husband might be in trouble right now. Like you need to move out, sir. We need that new relationship feeling.
Manuela Powell:Absolutely. Yeah, that is that is really, and it was something that he said today when I asked him. He was like oh, there's like the new relationship, energy is like. Oh, that is such a cool thing Cause I didn't I haven't like worded it this way Like that is so true, like that is such an important thing. Yeah.
Sade Curry:And we get. I think you know, like my husband and I, we get that when, whenever one of us is out of town, you start missing the other person, you forget all of the annoyances. You know it's great, but you, you get to keep that going all the time. Yeah, and my last question was how did you know? Ben was the one, at least the one for now, you know so.
Manuela Powell:I. I mean, that is such a hard and easy question at the same time because, first of all, I don't think there's the one. I think there's the one for now, but yeah, right, like I had several ones that were the ones, and now they're not the one. So that is one thing that I think is really important.
Manuela Powell:I think people put so much, even when you know, when I got divorced or we separated, people like, oh, I'm so sorry, it didn't work out. I'm like, what in the world are you talking about? How do you mean it didn't work out? We have two kids, we're really good friends. We're like, yes, it did work out, it's just it just ended. It doesn't. It doesn't have to be eternal to to to mean it works out. So you know, he was the one then and now it's. It's bad, but I don't think it's a thing that you can explain. And I think, actually, if you try to justify, if you're justifying a lot, I was like, oh no, I like it, because there's this thing and that other thing and that other thing. I'm like I don't know, like, do you do that with your kids? I'm like, yeah, I like because, like you know, I had like these tax breaks and it kind of cool.
Sade Curry:No, we're just like I just love them.
Manuela Powell:I don't know, like you know whatever that's love them, right? It's interesting because I noticed that when we separated, people were like, oh, what happened? I was like nobody asked what happened. When you say I'm going to get married, like oh, why I'm like because I want to get married. Like what are you talking about, right? It was like when you're not, I was like, well, because it's not that anymore.
Sade Curry:So the answer I'm hearing is because I want to.
Manuela Powell:Yes, which is my whole brand, I think at this point and I think that is so important because we have such a hard time sometimes even knowing what we want, because we think we're supposed to want these things Right One of the things like that the conversation we have a lot you know about the non monogamy thing is like I remember this happening. He was like you know, I'm feeling a little jealous and I was like, and I was like and I'm annoyed because I'm jealous. He said to me and I was like wait, why are you annoyed because you jealous? I was like, because I shouldn't be jealous. I'm like listen, for 60 years you heard the message Thou shall not share your woman with other people. And now here you are sharing your own with other people. Of course you should be jealous. That's exactly what you should be, because that's the message that you got. So, like, just be jealous. If you're jealous enough to think, hey, this is not where, I don't want this, then you're going to tell me and then we're going to decide what to do, right, but like it's not, like I shouldn't be jealous.
Manuela Powell:So I'm one of the times that he went out with someone and the first time we had just started dating and he had already, kind of like, had this plan before we met. He was sort of dating this woman, maybe on and off. I was like I'm just going to, it's not it, so I'm going to get out of it anyway. But it's her birthday and I bought tickets to this concert, so we're going to go and I'm like, cool.
Manuela Powell:So the day of the concert, I'm like I start feeling a little, you know, like what's going on, and I was like, okay, calm down, let's see what's up. What's up. Why am I feeling like this? I'm like, oh, I'm jealous. Okay, what's that mean? Well, you know, because what if he goes out with her and he likes her more than he likes me? I was like, first of all, I don't think it's going to happen. Second of all, good for him, cool, go be with her then. Second of all, what if they have sex and he she's better at sex than me? Again, good for him, go do that. Right, like great.
Sade Curry:That would be the choice, if it's better.
Manuela Powell:Right, like because if that happens to me, I'm definitely choosing the things that are better for me, just FYI, right. So I thought that was like, okay, so that's not it. And then in the end it was just because I wanted to call him and talk to him and I couldn't because he was somewhere else that he couldn't talk. So in the end I was like, oh okay, I can do with that, right. So it took that like that crushing feeling of like I'm so jealous and it just like, oh okay, I'm just like I just wanted to do something that I can't right now.
Sade Curry:All right.
Manuela Powell:That's a little frustrating. I can't honor this feeling and move on with my life. I don't have to be like now this is horrible. So that is something that is really. I think non monogamy is a great tool for personal development because you really have to get in touch with all like you can go through, you know, through life and the monogamous relationship and never have to ask yourself these questions but it was so. He's just so much self awareness that you gain by being like no, let me. Let me actually go through the habit rabbit hole of asking myself why do I feel bothered by this now?
Sade Curry:Yeah, amazing. Oh my God, what a great answer. I'd love it. I love it and being able to say I want this, I'm looking at it, I kind of want it, I'm going to go for it is such a powerful move. It's not a move that women are socialized to make. Yeah Right, it takes so much energy to lift off and be like I'm going to name what I want and I'm going to put my energy in getting what I want out of life.
Manuela Powell:So, thank you for one of the things that I would say, though, all those things that I told him. I was like hey, you know, let's go and like inviting. I do not know if he was at any point. I asked him hey, are you dating someone? Because, like, I trust you to be an adult and not be, you know, a cheater, so like I'm not going to be like hey, so are you dating someone? Let me just make sure I'm like no, you take care of that stuff. I have nothing to do with it. Yeah, Right, and there's so many lessons.
Sade Curry:Like I just I didn't know of how you like said, okay, we're going home together tonight. Or like I have a phrase for it in my, in my coaching practice, I call it dropping the hand key. I'm like you got to drop the hand key for the guy. It's, I think, women are so afraid of becoming the pursuer, which. Those are just a whole lot of narratives that are out there and I'm like, okay, fine, yeah, you don't want to go grab him, club him over the head and drag him into your cave.
Manuela Powell:However, it's okay to indicate interest clearly in a direct way and even if, and even if it's like a very I was, I know it was very direct, but like at every point, like I know, if at any point he had he had not shown up to the show and if it said, oh yeah, actually I'm going to meet someone else, I'll be like, cool, all right, yeah, see you at some point, it's fine. So, like when you do that, I think we don't, because we're really scared about what if he rejects me now, it means something about me. No, maybe you already has another person or other plans, just meeting some friends, and he's not going to be, you know, a bad friend and like, oh, now I'm going to drop all my friends because I whatever, right, it's just like I. If you don't make and mean anything about you, that a person is rejecting you, because a lot of times I would say most of the time it has nothing to do with you.
Manuela Powell:It's either just a lack of like, what, how do you know they're the one? I don't know, but you do know when they're not the one, and I also don't know what it is, but you know like that's not it, yeah, right, and there's nothing. It's not because you're not cool or attractive or amazing or all that. I met so many people in my life. They're super cool and attracted and amazing and I'm not. I don't want to be with them.
Sade Curry:So good, oh my gosh, we might have to have another conversation. Yeah, it's more dating nitty gritty, but I really just want to appreciate you for coming on today.
Manuela Powell:Yeah, it's such a great conversation.
Sade Curry:Thanks for illuminating the insides of a long distance relationship Absolutely and just letting us know like oh yeah, it's work, but it can be good also.
Manuela Powell:Yeah, the thing is like there are no rules. All the rules are made up, just even the rule that you know. You say, oh, no, too long distance relationship. Yeah, I mean, it's not up again, not for everyone. But just make sure to ask yourself is this rule for me? Cause maybe it's not.
Sade Curry:Yeah, 100%. All right, dr Manuela, can you please tell the listeners again who you work with, what kind of work you do and how they can connect with you if they're interested in having a chat?
Manuela Powell:Absolutely. I work with women and I help them just be who they actually are. I help them get rid of all those beliefs that don't serve them. I call them the inner patriarchy. You know the white dude that lives in our heads, saying that you're not good enough and obviously there's something wrong with you and obviously you shouldn't do any of these things, and of course it's too late and you're too old, and et cetera, et cetera. So I helped me get rid of all of that so that they can have the life that they want. And the thing is life is not going to be perfect. You know like the weather is going to be bad, the economy is going to tank, the you know people are going to die, get sick, whatever. But you really know like you learn how to deal with all those things in a way that make everything just be manageable instead of a hassle.
Sade Curry:And could you just spell out your website social media handles for those who want to like follow you.
Manuela Powell:So my website is my first and last name, manuela Powell, m-a-n-u-e-l-a-p-o-w-e-l-l-l, and my handles on all the places are that with D-R in front. So, dr Manuela Powell and all the places, please come and connect with me and if you are in a long distance relationship and you want to like oh my gosh, I don't know, I would like I just go DM me and we can have a chat and you know we can decide together if it's like is this something that's serving you or not, because a lot of times we it's. It's hard to look from the inside.
Sade Curry:Yeah, 100%, and we'll have all of those links in the show notes. Listeners, we just want to thank you for your time and attention today. I know we had a longer episode today, but it was so, so good. Dr Manuela, thanks for your time. We appreciate it. And, listeners, if you have not purchased the Core Values dating blueprint, I want you to go in the show notes and check that out. It's my brand new mini course. It is $47. I think that's the price. Oh my God it's been a long.
Sade Curry:I just got my vacation. Y'all forgive me. It's $47. If you've been following my work and you're interested in my work and you're like I really just want a little taste of what it looks like. It is the very tippy toe beginning of the work that I do with my clients to get their Core Values out onto their dating profile. You're going to love it, so check that out. It's been wonderful talking long distance relationships with Dr Manuela Powell and we will see you next time. Thanks for having me.